What’s negging?


Study to identify the indicators of this manipulative type of emotional abuse

By nature, emotional abuse is malicious and detrimental – however, in some instances, it will also be delicate and sneaky, working below the radar whereas nonetheless knocking a person’s sense of freedom, and even their sense of self. ‘Negging’ is one such instance, and the sly techniques employed by the abuser can have an enduring affect on the sufferer, undercutting their confidence and rising their reliance on the person.

“Negging refers to an emotionally manipulative tactic whereby a person delivers delicate feedback designed to undermine one other particular person’s shallowness,” explains Rebecca Vivash, a psychotherapeutic counsellor. “It’s an insidious type of abuse, and might go nearly undetected for a very long time because of the subtlety of the behaviour.”

The phrase negging derives from the verb ‘neg’, which suggests ‘detrimental suggestions’. It might probably typically be delivered in a ‘flirtatious’ and even ‘caring’ means, disguised as a joke or an harmless comment, which is among the the reason why, at first, it may be exhausting to identify.

For example of this, Rebecca factors to backhanded compliments, and feedback resembling: “You’d be fairly enticing for those who misplaced some weight,” “I hadn’t anticipated you to have a level,” “You’d be excellent in case your hair was longer/blonder/straighter.”


“Different negging techniques may embody comparisons to different enticing or profitable individuals, and even their exes – feedback like: ‘One factor I did love about X was their tiny waist,’ whereas understanding that you simply really feel insecure about your individual, or ‘I actually liked their drive and ambition,’ once more, being absolutely conscious that you’re at present battling what course your profession goes,” Rebecca explains. “Insults disguised as jokes are one other ploy to undermine your self-worth. Typically stated affectionately however with a extra sinister undertone, such ‘jokes’ that spotlight your flaws and weaknesses usually are not humorous.”

As a result of the abuse is delivered on this type, the sufferer could discover that they really feel worse following a dialog with the abuser, lengthy earlier than they can put their finger on precisely why which may be. However that is all a part of the ploy. As with nearly all of emotional abuse techniques, negging helps to raise the abuser’s standing, energy, and management within the relationship, whereas concurrently diminishing the sufferer’s shallowness.

“The goal of one of these emotional abuse is to push the sufferer right down to a spot the place they want, somewhat than take pleasure in, their accomplice’s approval,” provides Rebecca.

And the results of this? The sufferer could develop into reliant on the abuser to really feel of worth, they usually could start to look to them to confirm their actions, emotions, and even beliefs.

“The abuser’s actions could go away them doubting their perspective of actuality, in the event that they do query whether or not they’re the topic of abuse,” Rebecca says. “The manipulation is usually so delicate that it’s defined away by the perpetrator as being ‘Only a joke,’ or ‘You’re simply being oversensitive.’”

In fact, escaping any type of abuse might be extremely difficult, whatever the scenario, however on the subject of negging, the added affect of the undermining of a person’s confidence can actually come into play.

“It may be actually powerful to see clearly with one of these abuse, so I might positively suggest speaking to a trusted pal or a therapist, to discover your ideas and emotions,” says Rebecca. “If you’re the sufferer of emotional abuse, you could properly have skilled advanced trauma, and would profit from skilled and private help that can assist you to really feel sturdy sufficient to depart the connection, and rebuild your self-worth.”

Figuring out that one thing isn’t proper is step one to addressing it. If the idea of negging sounds acquainted to you, Rebecca leaves you with a tenet to remember: “Do do not forget that you don’t want to repair something about your self with a view to deserve actual love and connection.”

To attach with a therapist like Rebecca to debate emotional abuse in a protected house, go to counselling-directory.org.uk

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